Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
