Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
