I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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