yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
