I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
