Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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