I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
