he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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