There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
