I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
