the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
