once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
