I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
