if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
