Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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