she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
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