i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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