The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
my liver is dry heaving
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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