I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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