I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
