His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
