I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
