hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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