I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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