i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
