So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
