a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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