I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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