If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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