Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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