I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
