I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
