butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
