Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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