just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
