I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
