dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Come see our sink grown plant.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
