TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
