just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
