Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
