I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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