he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
