So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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