Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She told me I should be a condom model.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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