he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
