why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
