Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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