when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
