he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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