how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize