trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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