its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
