I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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