I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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