he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
