Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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