been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
