I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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