umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
