I accidentally had phone sex last night
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
