Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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