I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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