oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
