I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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