suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
