There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
