my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I still have a little drunk in my system
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
