spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
