So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
