You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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