come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
