u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We are two peas in an std pod
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
