i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
